Receiving the Blessings

Throughout this pregnancy God is teaching me how to "receive". Might sound a little silly, but yes receive. Receive in all sorts of ways! I really enjoy reaching out to other people and meeting their needs, go out of my way to just bless people;  BUT...I am not always the best at receiving it! I think some of it has to do with the way I was brought up. I am just use to having everything on my plate and having to just deal with things. There wasn't reason to ask for help from someone. So when people offer to help me I am really good at just saying, "I think we are good, but thank you." I appreciate the offer of help from others. Shows me that they care. But if I took their help, that would show I am weak and I can't handle whats on my plate. If I took that help, the guilt would just take over! But oh how God is showing me this is not right! I don't have to have it all together! No one does!! Accepting help is not a sign of weakness. Accepting help is God's way of blessing us. I am sure this post is going to be so jumbled together and maybe confusing at times. Sorry about that. When I first found out we were pregnant with baby #6 Yes I was extremely happy, so over joyed I couldn't stand it! But then the thought of telling people gave me a pit in my stomach. The worry of what people were going to think just overwhelmed me. But why should it?? This is a precious life that God is blessing us with! I don't need their acceptance. I knew there was one person I needed to get past telling and then it was home free- so to speak :) That conversation went just like I thought it would go, they were upset and had nothing to say. I was glad when the conversation was over, I was relieved that I told them, but then the heavy heart set in. I was sadden that something that was so exciting and special to me and the one person outside of Adam that should be excited, well....wasn't! In a way it took all the joy out of this exciting news for me!  It was that moment that God reminded me of so many things! He reminded me that they can't steal my joy, because they didn't give it to me! He is the one blessing me, not them! I started looking up bible verses and quotes. One was, "Be careful of those who'll try to steal your joy. Our Joy should not be dependent on external factors but only that of the Lord." I was letting this person steal my joy about one of the most awesome things in life-Life itself! I was afraid to feel joyful, I was afraid to feel happy,  I thought I needed peoples acceptance! But no!  I started receiving His joy, and really His acceptance! His acceptance and Joy was all I needed, it didn't matter what anyone else wanted to think of us having a baby or how they felt!  We are excited about this life! We are blessed! I want to shout it from the roof tops!! Receiving acceptance and joy=step one.
   Now onto receiving help!  AHHHH I'm so not good at it!! God is not done with me yet!! THANKFULLY! As sick as I am, I mean seriously sick, I have needed some help! I have been sick in the past but I always just kept going. But nope, that wasn't happening! It was from the bed, to the toilet, to the couch! Thats my life! Adam and the kids have been a huge, HUGE help!! Of course I don't want to put too much on the kids. After all they didn't ask for another baby( they are super excited), so they shouldn't have to run a house for 9 months! I believe in kids being kids! Juliana tries too much to help sometimes and I say no, go play with your dolls. :)  Adam's mom came down one day at the beginning of Feb. and that was the first day that I really had to shut my mouth and just practice accepting help! She wasn't going to take NO for an answer! She came down, watched the kids while I went to the dr. She cooked 3 full dinners for us, cleaned my house and yes, she even gave me a foot massage. That was stretching it for me, let me tell you! But my heart was so full, the audacity she had to go out of her way, drive 2 hours to be at my house by 8 am, watch my kids, do school with them, make us 3 dinners, clean my house and then drive back the same day! WOW!! What was she thinking?? She was being Christ and serving!  I was overwhelmed with her kindness, her generosity, her love, her heart, her willing to give! I'm really blown away! I am use to wanting to do that for people, but not the other way around. And Lord knows it was an act of God for me to sit back & just receive it all! There was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

This is Adam's mom cooking 3 different dinners with the kids! 

 I have always told adam that I don't need peoples help, I don't want to burden them,  they aren't the ones having their 6 baby, its not their problem! I have to deal with this on my own, this is my life, I have to handle it, but oh how wrong I was! There is not fault in asking or accepting help! We are the body of Christ and SHOULD help each other. If I am good enough to reach out, help and bless others, then I am good enough to receive it! (don't ask how long it has taken me to get there) :)  And it is still a work in progress for me. It doesn't just come natural to let someone help me. So don't think if you offer I am just going to jump up & shout YES :) I don't think I will ever just be that person who just drops my kids off at the drop of a hat or is going to always ask for help, but God is teaching me that its ok to let people bless me! Its ok to receive help! Guilt about receiving help is not from God!
   When thinking about this I started to think about "Love Languages".
What is your "Love Language"?  Have you ever really thought about it? Is it #1 Words of Affirmation?
#2 Quality Time? #3 Receiving Gifts? #4 Acts of Service? #5 Physical Touch?
 Do you give easier or receive easier? Or both??  After having so many people reach out & me saying no I'm fine, God really began to work in my heart & teach me a little bit more about myself but also about these "Love Languages". I'm not perfect by any means, but I do love to give people words of encouragement, I love spending time with people, I love giving people things, helping them out in any way possible. Which will run you dry if you aren't careful. Have to have boundaries! BUT when it comes to receiving those things, I am not the best! Then how am I getting my "love tank" full?? I probably am not...If I can't receive love, then I can't give love the best!
 There is alway one love language that really speaks to you! I mean you can have a little bit of all of them. I think from my past & the way I was raised & grew up I try hard to stay away from certain ones though ;) But when I really think about it,  although I can connect with most of them, I would say that the ones that stand out the most to me, that really make me feel full, would be quality time, words of affirmation- not telling me how beautiful I am or how great I am, but just making me feel important to that person! Obviously with different people it can be different love languages. With Adam it might be one different then with my friends. Anyways I know this came from left field. I am still processing it all and actually pulled my book "The Five Love Languages" out and am rereading it.  I am determined to not be closed up, always wanting to pour out & never let people pour into me. I want to receive so I can pour out! Its not always easy to receive, but I am working on that!
  A few weeks ago my friend Rachel asked if she could bring us dinner. Honestly I avoided the text for like a day...I didn't know how to say no. I felt bad. She has enough going on with her own health, she doesn't need to be making us dinner! I should be strong enough to cook my own family dinner. That was all flesh talking. I'm not strong enough and I accepted her offer. If she didn't want to, she wouldn't have offered. I shouldn't feel bad! My family was blessed with some amazing home cooked soup that they loved! If I didn't except I would have been taking something away from them, not me! I had a friend then write me just last week and asked if she could bring us dinner. Of course I told her no, that we were fine. She wrote and asked what day works. I let the email go, not knowing what to do or say. I am just not one for all the attention to be on me! I don't want to be stand offish though, I don't want to be difficult or the person who can't receive. So I yet again had to be ok with receiving. Its a process for me. :) I am not perfect and not always going to be good at receiving. But I am beyond blessed and thankful for God placing people in my life that are willing to pour into me, blessed me & help me!  I am human and need help some times, just like so many other people! Doesn't make me weak, doesn't make me fail, doesn't make me bad! For now I am learning to Enjoy receiving God's blessing through other people! Even the little things like beautiful flowers from our wonderful Pastor and his wife to cheer up my day and let me know they are praying for me!