As I sit here from the couch & watch my sweet boys play, being all boy that they are; I watched even Lofton at 19 months push his cars around, up the couch, up my legs saying vrum-vrum. I was satisfied! I was blessed! I was grateful for the boys that He has given me to raise! I am honored that He chose me to raise 4, & maybe 5 strong godly young men! So if this baby is a boy I will gladly accept the job of raising him to be a man of God & follow after Him! The desire is still there for a girl, but Lord knows I will be 100% happy if this baby is a boy! He knows just what we long for, just what we need! His Will, not mine! I can't wait to find out!!
Pregnancy is not a walk in the park for me! Wow! SHOCKER! lol :) As much as I'd like for it to be, its just not. Some people when they hear I'm sick they think awe I'm sorry! It will pass soon! Little do they know its not just morning sickness-its extreme sickness! It doesn't usually end for me. It "MIGHT" lighten up, but it doesn't end till that sweet baby is in my arms. Crazy, I know! People text me all the time asking how I'm feeling. (Grateful, touched by their caring spirit & concern) I usually just say I'm the same or we're all doing good. Cause in all reality we are good, I'm just sick! I'm sure it gets old me saying well, I'm throwing up and cant get off couch and sick, sick, sick ;) I don't like to go into details because to be honest I don't want to be a downer. I want to be positive and see more to my day then just me being sick. I usually just keep my sickness all to myself. I have found though that I really enjoy writing about it! Kind of my escape! I find it very relaxing...I get all my thoughts & feelings about it all out :) Not so much a vent...just sharing a different side that most people don't experience. I get to make light of it & get to laugh! Its amazing how something soooooooooo wonderful can be soooooooooo miserable at the same time :)
I thought I'd take you through a day in my pregnant life. Don't get too excited though, it doesn't involve much :) Like I said, NOT to vent about it, complain about it, but just to be real about it! Kind of like a ''What to expect when ''I'm'' expecting. hehehe :) I've read those books & man did they leave a lot out!! Lets face it, tiredness, sore boobs, face breaking out & having to pee all the time are the least of my pain! ;) Man if only....
Today I feel as if I talk, breath, move I'm gonna vomit:( trying to hold back cause I know I have nothing to throw up! And let's be honest, nothing worse then just throwing up nothing:/ stomach gets all crampy & ya just feel like you're gonna die lol but that happens a lot!! Its from the bed, to the couch, to the toilet, back to the couch, back to bed! oh & let's talk about the extra amount of spit you seem to have...where did that come from?!? Feel like I'm always spitting! And yes if there's a cup around I just grab and spit...so you better look before you drink! Hey.... a preggo girl can't help it! :) hold on a sec...be right back!! okay sorry about that, maybe all the talk made my tummy sour, had to go take care of some business! NO JOKE! Oh the days you could just pick up a big glass of water and just chug it, nope those days are gone. Actually those days of water are gone...Haven't been able to touch water in weeks. boohoo I miss my H20!!! Talking about missing water, I miss being active! I am the most active person!! I'm a busy body!! Like to be on the move, LOVE to work out!! Um, yes, those days are gone. Well just for now!! As soon as I can stop losing weight & I actually have energy, maybe just maybe I will feel like be mobile, active, exercising! I guess I need to be able to walk up & down the stairs first & not feel like I'm going to black out. Oh the dizziness!! Probably my worst pregnancy yet struggling with black outs & being dizzy all the time & double vision, yuck!
What about the times where you're laying down & you have to hurry & sit up so you can try to burp, cause if you don't burp there is going to be throw up on the bed! Attractive I know lol :) Funny thing is, all this gross unattractive stuff doesn't change the way adam looks at me for one second!(Thankful) Yes he hates I'm so sick, but he still finds me attractive & still loves me & more then anything he support me, rubs my back as I'm bent over sick. He's been bringing dinners home & even cooking dinner!! He has carried me through each one of these pregnancies & been my main support! So grateful!! Blessed!!
Dinner time is by far the hardest part of the day. Not only do I not have energy to get up & cook, but I can't seem to stomach cooking. In my past pregnancies, I was sick, but I think this is by far my worst yet!! I would still continue on with life, still cook, still function. Like I said I am a busy body so I just kept going with the sickness. Not this time! I have NO appetite! Adam always asks me what sounds good, and I can't even say well this does or that does. Its nothing! Now, I know things I do NOT want, things that are hard to throw up lol Kind of pathetic that I feel like I'm a pro at throwing up :( But after 6 babies at 9 months each of throwing up, I know what's easy and what's horrible to throw up! Some things I just wont try! I am trying but some things I just know! I'll eat just so I can have something to throw up...Kind of gross I know-sorry!
So it's going on 8 1/2 weeks of me laying on the couch doing nothing but going to dr visit & running to my new found friend, ''the John''. There have been days where I have had to run to the store. After all I am still a wife & mother. Life has to go on. Oh my poor kids, thats all I can say lol We usually can't go in the store without having to make at least 2 stops in the bathroom. And...I'm not talking so Houston can go potty :)
I always know I am going to end up running into some one I know when I'm at the store too, because well I can't remember the last time I put on makeup & really got dressed lol AHHH I sound like a bum...
Adam did take me out for my birthday, with some friends... but folks, my body was there but I wasn't really there, my mind was gone! All I could think about was not throwing up & can we go home now?? It took all I could to sit there. Don't get me wrong, I was so grateful that he thought to get me out & have some fun with friends but that stinks that I couldn't have fun! Its my birthday I wanna party & have fun with friends! Um, can I have a redo please?? :)
You would think laying here all day for days on end you wouldn't be tired, but nope! Come 8:30-9:00 this momma wants to go to bed. If its not because of being tired its because I just wanna stop feeling like I'm going to throw up. If I fall asleep then I'm at peace, well most nights! Some nights I wake up sick all night too:( Therefore I am very thankful for night time or shall I say...Sleep time! It's my break away :)
I will say at the very beginning I had wished the drs could just put me to sleep and wake me when it was time to have the baby...But that was my desperation talking. I would NEVER want that! I WILL NOT let 9 months of my life go by without me making the most of it! I have 5 other sweet babies to spend time with, make memories with, watch them learn, watch them grow. High possibility that this will be my last pregnancy & I really want to cherish every minute! I want to experience every ooo & ahh of this & hold it dear to my heart! I L.O.V.E. being pregnant.
Wait!! What?!?!?!
Yes, I know...its hell at times. Sorry for the word choice! All that sickness is just Y.U.C.K! BUT there is nothing, nothing, nothing like feeling this amazing child that God is in the process of making move inside of you!! It is such a miracle!! To hear that fast beating tiny heart!! It is priceless! To see your unborn baby move & kick all around on that screen, it's indescribable! There are no words! So yep I'm reallllly sick, but I am anxiously, joyfully awaiting those first movements(which kind of already started here & there, yippee) :) those first real kicks, the first time you see your tummy move all around like a roller coaster, or experiencing your baby have the hiccups! For me the best thing about pregnancy isn't about being able to eat for 2 as some people say or to eat all that junk food without feeling guilty, it actually has nothing to do with food. Even if I wasn't sick, it still wouldn't be about food! Its about feeling those sweet movements, having that connection like no other, knowing that you are carrying a precious child of God!!
One of the hardest parts about this whole pregnancy & sickness thing for me, is the fact that my family is not apart of it! It saddens me...They don't know the least bit about what's going on. I would like to say they care, but in all reality I know they don't. When I say I'm sick, I get the big rolled eyes...the whatever look:( Its not the sickness that they are missing out on though! Its the growing baby, the movements, the celebration of finding out girl or boy! It's not my loss, but theirs! I am glad that God has placed strong caring friends in that place, that do care, are excited & show me their support. It really blows me away!
My husband and my kids are for sure rockin' the support and love!! They just bring a smile to my face. The littlest of ways they try and help(even if its not really helping) :) They just melt me!!
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| My piece of gold...no one better try & take these outta my hand!! Was taking them 2x a day. Thankfully she increased to taking them every hr!! |
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| Besides the "john" & my family....this is my view a lot |
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| Attempting to try ALL my options...fail! |
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| Pretty much the only thing I can drink:( I miss my water :( |
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| This pic is one of which my sweet girl & her daddy "tried" to help in any way possible & were so thoughtful, but they were only half way successful! They bought all sorts of yumminess for me. None of which I could have or even attempt to eat. Chocolate is REALLY bad to throw up...burns! But they were successful at the bath stuff. Oh how I enjoy my baths! Relaxation!! <3 them!!! |
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| Finally, SUNSHINE!! Even though it was a bit chilly, it was SUNNY! Adam & I took the kids to the park & I got to just sit, watch them play & let the sunshine bake me for a little bit. Oh how good that felt! I long for warmer weather!! Usually being pregnant makes ya hot all the time?!?!?! well not this preggo momma. I am FREEZING all the time! :) |
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| And this right here, this pic, these 6 amazing spectacular precious children of God....This is why its all worth it! NOT easy by ANY MEANS, but SO WORTH IT!! |
Eucharisteo :)
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