Offended

As we were pulling into our driveway from a very long day of traveling home from Florida, I see car lights go on in our driveway. I kind of jumped a little because it caught me off guard. I told Adam that's weird, who could that be? He went on to tell me it was the person letting the dogs out. I was thinking in my head, man they are here late-as it was close to 11:00pm! As the car pulled out of our driveway I could see it was a lady & then she pulled beside our car & started talking to Adam about the house. Come to find out, Adam had hired her to come clean our house while we were out of town. We left in such a rush that my house wasn't exactly clean & how I like it to be & he knew the very next day after getting home we were having company come stay with us. So he very thoughtfully hired for her to come ease some of my stress, my worry & help clean for me!! Was it a help?? Did it ease my worry?? Or did it embarrass me, stress me out even more & offend me?? That is what was going through my mind. I am clearly aware that I am strange & most woman would LOVE if their husbands hired a cleaning lady! I however had mixed emotions & feeling about it! I was embarrassed about how messy my house was! I felt vulnerable, like she saw deep into my life & is secretly judging me! I felt offended that my husband liked what all she did, I was feeling like I was letting him down. Like I wasn't doing a good enough job:( I was offended when he said maybe since she was cheap he would have her come once a month to help so the deep cleaning stuff! I looked around & thought it doesn't really look any different from when I clean, only difference is I didn't do it! Then I began to really think about it! Tried to sort out my feelings & instead of being offended & was trying to see the blessing in it! I started to become thankful that he hired her! Although I enjoy cleaning, it was one less thing I had to do! It was one less minute that took me away from my kids & allowed me that time to be with them & play! I so enjoy a organized, clean house! And I will work hard at keeping it clean & organized to the best of my ability but my kids aren't getting any younger!! I don't want them to grow up look back & think all momma did was clean & organize, she never played with us! In my mind I know they won't, because we play a lot! But I strive to make them feel cherished & important & that the laundry, the house work, it can all wait! They are what is important!! I could go on & on...but over all what started feeling like an offense, turned out to be a blessing!! I am so thankful that this one little act made my day so much easier, it was less stressful & gave me all those minutes, hours that I would have spent cleaning, I was now spending precious, priceless moments with my babies! Moments I can't get back! So thank you babe!!

What to do, what to do, that is the question!?!?!

I know that I just updated a little bit about Lofton last night, but today new stuff came about...This afternoon Lofton had an ENT app. which left us with the discussion of surgery! Not really sure how I feel about that. Apparently Lofton's tube in his right ear has fallen out & he has another ear infection & a lot of fluid. They did a hearing test & he failed. They put him back on antibiotics & have asked the nurse to call me to schedule his surgery. The Dr. wants to put another tube in his right ear, remove his left ear's tube & replace it with a new one. So now we are faced with, do we go through with the surgery, do we give this diet a little bit longer & see if things get better, do we go with another ENT & get another opinion, do we get cultures of the fluid in his ear to see what it is? What to do, what to do??? Just when I thought we might be getting some where, we hit another speed bump! I am confident though that He will guide us & show us the path to take!! I am believing for 100% healing over Lofton's body!! HE has great plans for Lofton & I am excited to see how this all unfolds! I am hopeful! Now to pray & wait!

Update on Lofton

So it's been about a month since finding out we had to practically cut everything out of Lofton's diet... It has for sure had its ups & downs, good days & bad! But through it all God has been my strength, my shoulder to cry on, my support! He brought us to this new life style & He will bring us through it! I'm not gonna say that I haven't doubted this process at times but just when I start to doubt I feel like God gives me the strength & perseverance to push on. Since starting this new diet/lifestyles a month ago, Lofton has had 2 more ear infections:( So it kind of seemed like hum maybe this is pointless, maybe it doesn't matter, it doesn't help to cut out all this stuff! But NO!! I had to stay on track! Lofton went about 3 days no drainage from his ears & it was Adam's bday so we decided to give in this ONE time & let him have a bite of a donut, that's ALL he took was ONE bite! The next morning, yep drainage pouring from his ear:( Here we go again, another ear infection :/ Even though I hated that he got another ear infection I felt like it was conformation that food has a big role in why he's so sick! We must keep on track with this diet. This past Friday we started these treatments that are hopefully going to help build his system back up but also reduce his allergic reactions to some of these foods. Sounds weird I know! I'm not 100% sure about them but I'm willing to give it a try. They can only treat him for one allergy at a time. Once the treatments start, not only can you not eat it, but him nor I cannot touch it or even be around it! This weekend was a bit rough with that. My kids had to step up & make their own breakfast & lunches & then I had to always make sure they were really washing & cleaning up after themselves. The kids did great & I think they actually enjoyed doing stuff on their own. I had to practice & learn a little more patience when things weren't done just how I like. Lol I will admit that today has been the hardest yet for me. I love fruit & veggies but today I was just feeling over it & just wanted some chicken! :) All in all I am feeling very encouraged that we are moving forward & that Lofton is feeling the best he has in several months!! Praise The Lord!! :)

Reminiscing

I wrote this post a few months back, but never published it. Sometimes I have a hard time wondering if anyone cares to read my stuff. But then I thought about what this meant to me & how i feel like it made me a little stronger & a little bit better of a mom! So I thought why not share, just maybe it would touch someone else:) Someone out there might enjoy it! So the other day I was just reminiscing about the past a little bit, & well I started to think that we always get so excited when our sweet babies have a "first"... Their first smile, first laugh, first time they sit up, first time crawling, first step, first word! All those are so fantastic! I remember every one of my kids "first". But I started to think that with every "first", comes a "last". The first time my baby walked, was the last time that they crawled. Wow, I can't remember the last time Lofton crawled. Or the first time they start saying words, is the last time you exchange those sweet joyous coos. First time they sleep through the night is the last time you get those sweet midnight smiles, those special private moments together. The first tooth they get is the last time they can bite down on your chin and share that laugh over it. That first is now a last and that moment is just a memory! All those memories kind of get lots in there. Life moves on and we forget to remember and cherish each moment.. We get so excited about the first, that we forget to celebrate & cherish those ''lasts''! I felt like in some ways we get so excited to see our kids or just things in life hurry up & move to the next level! But why? Whats the rush? For me, when I started thinking about this & really processing this it really made me want to slow down. I know, we say that all the time right? Slowing down time isn't going to happen unfortunately :( But for me this "first" & "last" thing really made me want to cherish even more every minute I get in life, every minute I get with my kids! Im not promised tomorrow so i need to appreciate today & the moments i get today before they are gone! I want to cherish even the not so nice moments! Because for one day we will look back and we will miss those moments. My little boy Houston had some "first" and "last" the other day. He learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. That day he grew up a little bit in front of me! He also learned how to climb the monkey bars. We went to the park him being a little baby only dreaming of wanting to climb them, and we left with him just a little bit taller, a little bit more proud and a last behind us. He had concoured the monkey bars! So for me, even when my kids aren't wanting to take a nap, or they are pushing my buttons or even when they are having milestones in front of my eyes, I am trying to cherish, appreciate, love, embrace all these moments!! Not that I wasn't in the past, but I have a whole new appreciation for it! Taking life minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day!!

A New Normal

Last Friday my world was turned upside down just a bit!! For some it might not seem like a big deal but for me it has shook me to the core! So many thoughts & feelings run through my mind. See Lofton our now 16 month old has been having ear infections nonstop since he was about 3 months old. He got tubes around 6 1/2 months but has still been getting them at least once a month. This last ear infection left him with a ruptured ear drum & the infection has lasted a month :( He feels miserable, doesn't feel like eating & he's not sleeping. So we decided to get him tested for allergies! Yep that word right there ''allergies'' changed my world! I understand its not changing my world like cancer or death or anything more serious but its still changing the way we have to live. I feel guilty that it has rocked my world so much & I vent about it & ask people to pray for us but then I have to remind myself that everyone's struggle is different & it's big to them!
Never ever have I needed to worry about allergies or worry about what food my kids could or could not eat! Of course I love to cook more healthy & more organic & don't want my kids to have food dyes or tons of sugar, but if we wanted to splurge it was ok!! Never did I really think to be so thankful that I could eat eggs, drink milk, have a sandwich, have a burrito, have a cookie or even eat chicken nuggets! Yes those are just some of the things my sweet Lofton can't have! He tested sensitive to any kind of egg, chicken, dairy, milk, sugar, grains, & a few more things. Since I am nursing him I also have to follow this diet. My world seems to be revolved around food! I'm constantly trying to figure out what he can have & what he can't. We can't go out to eat or over any friend's house without having to bring something for him because I have no idea what he can eat. Its not that I mind, its just different! Grocery shopping takes twice as long because everything I put in the cart I have to make sure it doesn't have certain things in it. Its so hard to fine food that he can eat. Not only does it take longer but Lofton literally cries the whole time pointing at things he wants but can't have & he doesn't understand why! So there's that guilt that us moms get sometimes coming out in me! I feel horrible not letting him have simple things like a banana cause it has too much natural sugar in it! :/ Since that Friday morning a day hasn't gone by that I haven't cried over this! I wonder what could I have done different to prevent this?? Why God?? Why my child?? But deep down I know there is nothing I could've done different! This is God's story for his life right now! I'm trying to embrace it, even though It seems so extreme, so harsh, so unfair! I still feel so lost, so alone, so overwhelmed, so vulnerable, so out of control, so weak!! I know God is in control & in the center of all this! I wouldn't want anyone else to be in control & have my baby in his hands! I know He will carry us through this & I know this really isn't the end of the world!! This isn't a devastation! We asked God for answers & He gave us answers!! For that I am grateful!!! It's just an adjustment & it's a lot at one time! I fully understand that Lofton could grow out of some of these things, it's just hard in the process of figuring all this out. It's hard to see him watch his brothers & sister eat things he can't have & then cry. It's heart breaking to see your little boy lose weight either from not being able to eat anything, not wanting to eat anything or eating but his body not absorbing what he's eating! He's 16 months & size 2 diapers are too big on him, he can wear a size 1 again:(
It's thanksgiving, a time to be thankful, (well be thankful all the time)but we reflect upon all we are thankful for. I'm thankful that my 4 other sweet babies are healthy & can eat anything they want. Thankful that they could eat turkey & all the fixings:) Lofton wanted thanksgiving dinner so bad, but all he could have was a smoothie & some quinoa.. However I am grateful that although this is rough & challenging, I am so thankful that this is all he has to deal with! I am so thankful for friends who have gone through something similar that encourage me & support me! Thankful for the friends who have no clue what I am going through but are willing to stand beside me, pray for & with me & they lift me up!! Thankful for a husband who although doesn't fully understand how hard this is or the emotional roller coaster it is & at times just wants to give in, he prays for me & encourages me!! He's by my side every step of the way helping me figure this out! I pray for strength daily & I pray for patience!! I pray that My Heavenly Father's healing touch will heal my sweet boy! Take away his pain & give him strength to handle this! I fully believe that this will be a better life style to live. This is just a season that ''this too shall pass''! God keeps giving me the verse Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through HIM who gives me strength! The song I may be weak but your Spirits strong in me. My flesh may fail but my God you never will. Give me faith to trust what you say, that you re good & your love is great. I'm broken inside, I give you my life. I feel so weak & so thankful He is my strength. I keep reminding myself that His love is great & that He is building my faith!! Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him & He will make your paths straight! Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future! Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Psalm 59:16 But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. These are just some verses that stood out to me! So thankful for HIS reassurance And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 I figured I would write down & little bit of our journey, to look back & show Lofton all he has pushed through! To give God all the glory!!

Lofton's "thanksgiving smoothie"

Never gets old

There is just something so sweet, so special, so comforting about snuggling with your babies! Somehow it just puts everything in its place & at ease!

Salt Life

I never use to really like the beach...I know, I know, crazy right!?!? Who doesn't like the beach?? I don't know, there was just something about it that just didn't attract me. I repulsed the feeling of sand on me! I didn't enjoy the water, or more or less was scared of the water(watched Jaws too many times w/ my brothers). However, since becoming a mom it has totally redirected my feeling towards the beach. I might not be the biggest fan of having sand all up on me, covering me head to toe, but I am a fan of seeing His master pieces & getting a glimpse of just how big of a God He really is! As I sit by the ocean & listen to the waves crash, the salty, sweet, amazing, peculiar smell that the beach has, how can you not be in complete Awe over His mighty works? So now I can say I truly love the beach! I enjoy digging in the sand with my babies, I enjoy splashing in the water(that comes up only to my ankles hehe). I really find the beach simply relaxing. Yes, relaxing even with 5 kids! I love to watch my kids experience life. To see them get so excited & thrilled about things is just special to me! Its almost like I am experiencing it for the first time! It makes you appreciate things! Well here are a few shots I took from our trip to Hilton Head. Enjoy :)  

Mommy is helping Lofton walk.

Papaw went with us!

Getting a little more use to the sand :)

And there my friends "he's off" 

He loved every minute of the beach! 

Milestones were made at the beach! Went to the beach a crawler, left the beach a walker! 

Look at that cutie

Landon hit the waves hard! 

Exhausted 

All smiles

Catching some air!!

haha yep this was how he FIRST felt about the sand...Not to thrilled!!

A Sunflower Tradition

    So its Sunday night, almost midnight, my husband is away on a youth retreat & its just me & my 5 sweet babies at home. Of course are they in their room sleeping? Nope, they are all piled in my room on the floor sleeping away:) 
    Tonight is one of those nights where I could find myself writing & writing...about what? O goodness how my mind is FULL of things to talk about tonight! But, instead I have decided to share images of my family! I'm Still not sure who all will ever read this, but somehow it doesn't matter! Sitting in my bed, typing away sharing who knows what is still fun & refreshing. 
    So since I was pregnant with Juliana (almost 11years ago) I have been going to this Sunflower field & taking pictures there. It turned into being a yearly tradition. I now have pictures of my kids every single year there for the last 10 years! So since that time of year just passed, I think I'll start there. Now I will warn you, I REALLY enjoy photography & whats better then photographing MY own kids! SO...there might be a lot of photos :)

                                                                     Silly Faces

                                                                    My Sweet Landon

                                                                           Houston

Lofton(1) Houston(3) Ashton(5) Landon(8) Juliana(10)

Yep thats a little bit of some rain :)

                                                                        My 4 boys

                                                            It started raining on us :)

                                                                          Juliana 

                                                                          

                                   So beyond blessed & so thankful for these 5 babies of mine!

                                                             My wonderful family!!

My Mini Me :) 

In their own world, showing their personality!

Has a mind of his own :) 

My World!